Flashbacks - well not really. Sometimes I wish I could. I was playing with N. (3yo) and he was giggling and squirming all over. Wanted to jump on the bed and then on mommy. At one point I am tickling his little belly and he is calling mommy "evil" in his little laughing voice (cannot imagine who taught him that word) and I flash on the fact that I missed this with S. I could just see her as a 3yo giggling and playing. She would have been a handful but ,oh, so much fun.

It was an interesting flash - a picture and a feeling but not really regret. Just that it would have been a blast to have been around S as a toddler. I sometimes envy those people that had her in their family at her earlier ages and alternately I am mad at them for not seeing her true beauty and making her go through so much before we found each other. But then, I would not be her mommy now if not for them so in my very grown up way tthhhhppphh! to them. I got the ultimate treasure and I get her for life!